WARNING: may contain adult language and dark humor!
At some point today I got bored and decided to do something new. Since I always have wanted to fiddle with game reviews, I thought it be a good idea. Well better than sticking your head in a bear trap…Now I have thought about doing a You Tube video, but there are as many of those as there are plankton in the ocean. Getting noticed in that body of water is like screaming in space!
Back to the topic then!
For long now I’w been a Civ player, as I think it fills a need of some sorts in me to be in control of everything and of course take over the world!
Though in recent times, and this is the case with many new games, is this “we want more money for our shit!” trend that is going on.
It’s like some clever girl came to the office on day and was mumbling about an epiphany he/she had while snorting a particular white substance…
“Are you kidding, NO!”
“Get this, there are 3 factions right! We slice the game up and sell each faction as a separate game and triple the money we make!!!”“Isn’t that cheating the player?”
“You want to get a 3 times bigger paycheck?”
“Fuck, sign me up for that shit!”
Is what I’d imagine the conversation went like…
Apparently Firaxis has joined the team of “lets cheat our loyal suckers out of more money” fan club…
Even 3,5 seems a bit much, with a lot of the abilities of Civ 3 even missing, not to mention Civ 4.
The fact that now I can choose an ideology? Freedom, Autocracy and Order…Really, Civ 3 had Despotism, Republic, Monarchy, Capitalism, Communism and Fascism…
“More is better!”
Is this what qualifies as progress these days?
…let’s not have the poor guy strain himself too much by giving too many options or he might have an aneurysm!
Why Freedom, Order and Autocracy?
The last two being pretty much the same, a nationalist or communist authoritarian police state
And when I’m on the subject of being all whiny, once you have chosen your Ideology, you get to unlock shit!!! Yey.
I know they did this to balance the game so you don’t get all the benefits at once, but I see little point in it, unless I can combine traits from other ideologies, which would have been something new, though not for people who have played the Harts of Iron series, I imagine an authoritarian regime with many freedoms and social securities!
It’s just a wasted opportunity and more culture you have to waste on unlocking the same linear tree…not much replay value in that is there?!Moving on with stuff that I find wrong with Civilization V: Iron Maiden Edition…
Punishes how, you might ask?
Well, if you don’t get to the point where you can establish a religion you miss out on 4 civilization benefits…5 if your Byzantium.
Oh, sorry mister atheist…no benefits for you, you god hating tosser…
Isn't this a Civilization game? As in My civilization may have been advanced enough not to start a church that believed that science is evil and everyone who practices it should be tied to a piece of lumber and set on fire!
Mind you, the game doesn't force you to start a religion, but it clearly “tells” you that you’re better off when you do.
All I’m saying is, if you account for people who are religious, account for those who aren’t as well and give them some benefits!!!…I know it’s A GAME, but you clearly have the power to do so, so why not do it…don't want to upset any religious parties do we now!
And so we reach the final and biggest problem with Civilization V: Let’s rip of a metal band album title!
I can go to the shops, buy groceries, come back, cook food, eat, take a dump, have a spot of tea, watch the latest season of the big bang theory, beat super meat boy and still have enough time to build a super computer to run the bloody thing.
It’s like the dev team had trouble figuring out how to make the game last longer, and some wanker had a brilliant idea to not optimize the turn algorithm and now you spend most of the time doing something else…if that was you goal then job well done!I find having Reddit open helps, at least I can amuse myself with the latest cute animated gif of someone’s cat doing something silly…
Don’t get me wrong, I like the game, but it could have been so much better if these cockups weren’t there!
I do like the fact that someone in the dev team thought that hexagonal map would be a good idea, and eliminating the stack of doom.
The fact that you can now defend a city with one unit in it (which now is the maximum allowed) is actually in my opinion a great move, as now I can use some strategy on the map and use ranged units to attack from actual range.
So Civilization V: I’m out of ideas what to call it, is a good game, just shy of being a great game. But it would be naive of me to expect something more in this day of developers/publishers gunning for larger audiences $$$, here’s looking at you casual gamers, so you dumb down you games and make them as challenging as petting a cat. I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t always ask 30$ for each new sowed on DLC.
Let me know in the comments if you liked it and if not go bugger off!