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About Digital Art / Professional Official Beta Tester walcor27/Male/Canada Groups :iconallsexyart: AllSexyArt
Bringing sexy back!
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Artist Game Review by walcor

At some point today I got bored and decided to do something new. Since I always have wanted to fiddle with game reviews, I thought it be a good idea. Well better than sticking your head in a bear trap…

Baretrap by walcorNow I have thought about doing a You Tube video, but there are as many of those as there are plankton in the ocean. Getting noticed in that body of water is like screaming in space!
Space by walcor Plus all the good videos seem to have a bloke with a British accent doing the voice over. The only thing I can muster that resembles British is: “care for a spot of tea”, in a rather OMG that sucked kind of way.

Back to the topic then!

For long now I’w been a Civ player, as I think it fills a need of some sorts in me to be in control of everything and of course take over the world!

Pinki And Brain by walcor

Though in recent times, and this is the case with many new games, is this “we want more money for our shit!” trend that is going on.

Siht Money by walcorRemember when you bought a game e.g. StarCraft and you could paly all the 3 factions, instead of just one?

It’s like some clever girl came to the office on day and was mumbling about an epiphany he/she had while snorting a particular white substance…

Powder by walcor
 “I got this AWESOME AMAZING idea”, if Apple has thought us anything it’s that everything is AWESOME AMAZING these days, even if it’s as amazing as a blind person discovering that he can’t see…
Apple by walcor
“What, a new innovative game mechanic for a better immersive gameplay?”

“Are you kidding, NO!”

“What then”

“Get this, there are 3 factions right! We slice the game up and sell each faction as a separate game and triple the money we make!!!”

Pieces by walcor

“Isn’t that cheating the player?”

“You want to get a 3 times bigger paycheck?”

Mo Money by walcor

“Fuck, sign me up for that shit!”

Is what I’d imagine the conversation went like…

Apparently Firaxis has joined the team of “lets cheat our loyal suckers out of more money” fan club…

Sucker by walcoror it may be pressure from their publisher 2K, since publishers these days seem to embody Satan.

Diablo by walcorProbably why they released a unfinished game and called it Civilization 5, might as well called it Civ 3,5 featuring hexagons…

Hexagon by walcor
 

Even 3,5 seems a bit much, with a lot of the abilities of Civ 3 even missing, not to mention Civ 4.

Frankenstein by walcorIt’s like they went for the Dr. Frankenstein approach and sowed some new pieces on to it later on…Gods and Kings and now Brave New World which I’m pretty sure is an Iron Maiden Album.

Iron Maiden by walcor
 I mean what’s so brave about it?

The fact that now I can choose an ideology? Freedom, Autocracy and Order…Really, Civ 3 had Despotism, Republic, Monarchy, Capitalism, Communism and Fascism…

“More is better!”

-Jeremy Clarkson

 
Topgear by walcor
 

Is this what qualifies as progress these days?

…let’s not have the poor guy strain himself too much by giving too many options or he might have an aneurysm!

Why Freedom, Order and Autocracy?

The last two being pretty much the same, a nationalist or communist authoritarian police state

Police by walcorand then the shining white knight: Freeeedom!…MURICA, FUCK YEAH!!!, cuz Freedom don’t need order or police obviously!

And when I’m on the subject of being all whiny, once you have chosen your Ideology, you get to unlock shit!!! Yey.

Unlock by walcorI know they did this to balance the game so you don’t get all the benefits at once, but I see little point in it, unless I can combine traits from other ideologies, which would have been something new, though not for people who have played the Harts of Iron series, I imagine an authoritarian regime with many freedoms and social securities!

Ism by walcor
 Bollox, we need clear distinct lines, everything has to be black and white, cried some man in a suit!
Blackwhite by walcor
Who ever heard of a capitalist communist country anyway…

Cough…China…cough…

It’s just a wasted opportunity and more culture you have to waste on unlocking the same linear tree…not much replay value in that is there?!

Gameplay by walcor

 Moving on with stuff that I find wrong with Civilization V: Iron Maiden Edition…

Religion!

Religion by walcorNow I do like they brought it back, (Gods and Kings), though I don’t like the fact that the game punishes you for not having a religion!

Punishes how, you might ask?

Well, if you don’t get to the point where you can establish a religion you miss out on 4 civilization benefits…5 if your Byzantium.

Oh, sorry mister atheist…no benefits for you, you god hating tosser…

Isn't this a Civilization game? As in My civilization may have been advanced enough not to start a church that believed that science is evil and everyone who practices it should be tied to a piece of lumber and set on fire!

Onfire by walcor

Mind you, the game doesn't force you to start a religion, but it clearly “tells” you that you’re better off when you do.

Holybook by walcorAll I’m saying is, if you account for people who are religious, account for those who aren’t as well and give them some benefits!!!…I know it’s A GAME, but you clearly have the power to do so, so why not do it…don't want to upset any religious parties do we now!

And so we reach the final and biggest problem with Civilization V: Let’s rip of a metal band album title!

Turn times!

Time by walcorSeriously, the turn time takes forever…

I can go to the shops, buy groceries, come back, cook food, eat, take a dump, have a spot of tea, watch the latest season of the big bang theory, beat super meat boy and still have enough time to build a super computer to run the bloody thing.

It’s like the dev team had trouble figuring out how to make the game last longer, and some wanker had a brilliant idea to not optimize the turn algorithm and now you spend most of the time doing something else…if that was you goal then job well done!

Aplus by walcor

I find having Reddit open helps, at least I can amuse myself with the latest cute animated gif of someone’s cat doing something silly…
Kittykumba by walcor
 Thought you could bore me to death didn’t you!
Bored by walcor
 So all I’w heard so far is You ripping on the game like some tosspot, why do you play it then, it’s not like the devs come to your house and shove a hot iron rod up you bum if you don’t play it!?

Don’t get me wrong, I like the game, but it could have been so much better if these cockups weren’t there!

Rooster by walcor

I do like the fact that someone in the dev team thought that hexagonal map would be a good idea, and eliminating the stack of doom.

The fact that you can now defend a city with one unit in it (which now is the maximum allowed) is actually in my opinion a great move, as now I can use some strategy on the map and use ranged units to attack from actual range.

Stratemagize by walcor

So Civilization V: I’m out of ideas what to call it, is a good game, just shy of being a great game. But it would be naive of me to expect something more in this day of developers/publishers gunning for larger audiences $$$, here’s looking at you casual gamers, so you dumb down you games and make them as challenging as petting a cat. I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t always ask 30$ for each new sowed on DLC.


Let me know in the comments if you liked it and if not go bugger off!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As an exercise of skills me and my colleague developed an online pixel art drawing web app:


If you like pixel art, I know I do, give it a try and tell us what you think!

Did I mention you can draw with your friends!

P.S. It is still in beta, so we are adding new usability stuff to it...

P.P.S. any bugs you come across, let me know!

Thanks for taking the time!

walcor

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walcor
walcor
Artist | Professional | Digital Art
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Professional graphics and game designer.

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:iconnickanater1:
nickanater1 Jan 1, 2014  Student Artist
fav.me/d7091x0

:) happy new year
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:iconzax19taken:
Hey, they just announced a Star Citizen ship design contest so I though you might want to check it out :)
robertsspaceindustries.com/con…
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(1 Reply)
:iconartistafrustrado:
artistafrustrado May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy b-day dude i hope you had a really awesome day :party:
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:iconettody:
HAPPY ALL SUPER DIGITAL DAILY INCORPORATED ANONYMOUS UNKNOWN PIXELS ORIGINAL REGULAR BEST SEXY FANTASTIC NAUGHTY AND LOVELY ECCHI EROTIC BIG BUSTY OPPAI SQUEEZE ANIME MANGA BADASS VOLUPTUOUS FURRY ANTHRO FEMALE BABES GIRLS VIXENS ADULT OTAKU FIGURES DRAWINGS CATALOGUE CHARACTERS DESIGN PSYCHO FANARTISTS PERVERTS ADDICTS WALLPAPERISM WEB DEVIANTION GALLERY NEXUS BRIGADE WITHOUT FRONTIER WORLDLAND UNITY ASSOCIATION B-DAY!!!!!!!
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:iconsicksean:
SickSean May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday
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:iconlegionaireb:
LegionaireB May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday, Walcor!!!:cake:
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:iconhavoc777:
Happy B-Day!
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:iconyesysh:
Yesysh May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday
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:iconkingabe:
kinGabe May 12, 2013  Student Artist
:iconcake3dplz:
:icondananana3dplz: :iconhappybirthday2plz:
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